Eight Handy Phrases

to slip into tele-sales cold calls to make them brief and polite.

1)The Queen is arriving to visit me later today by appointment
and my house is not ready to recieve her, shall I send her your regards?

2)The dog is just having puppies and I am feeling somewhat tender
from watching such a wonderful sight. We are a grandmother
with all this happening, I wish you were here to see it.

3)I am sorry, I thought you were the clinic ringing me up
to confirm my appointment for a colonic irrigation.

4)The house next door but one to this is now on fire and the family
there need some help. Have you any first aid tips?

5)I'd like to listen to you but I have a funeral to go to, in a few
minutes a car is collecting me.

6)You tell me your post code and home address, so I can look
it up on Google earth right now and then I will tell you mine.

7)Did you know that spending too long on the phone can give
you cancer of ear?

and finally

8) [use this phrase after giving your name and regretting it] well
actually I am an alien  and I have taken over the body of the person
named, who used to live here, which why I can talk in their
langauge. I would give you my alien name but you would not
be able to pronounce it. You don't know how far beyond your
petty corporate totalitarianism I am, but if you want to look up
the name of my planet on google sky you are welcome.

Pregnant Thoughts

Feminism is good stuff. Women need to increase
their status and the value of the roles they perform
for men, for all, for men to value women's worth.
How else to change how they are seen?
But men need help from women too,
to fight that immaturity where older men
see themselves as unattractive and compensate
by turning younger women into decorations.
Engaged intelligence should be the measure of life,
rather than the lust of eye or the works of the flesh,
which tire. Equality of gender will get nearer
for following the example of seahorses.

A Source Of Cheer

And if the soulless who should be cheerful in their self knowledge
are not confident in their certainty, then what hope is there?

Gossip

-the flannel that always leaves us dirty.

Signs Of Greater Age (16)

1)Reacting negatively when you hear the phrase
'I have always thought' preceding the expression
of  an opinion or idea because you know
that it is part of maturity that people change
their thoughts over time. Anyone who believes
in their own changes knows there is no 'always'.

2)Finding that there no new entertainments,
in the movies or television. Everything there is
to watch and listen to now is a weaker reiteration,
that echoes something that was expressed better before.

 

Any Society

that leaves no time
for its members to listen
to one another is a non-society.

How To Say Nothing With Elan