The Old Quandary

is what to think and say
when cynicism wins the day,
and reality outruns you
as people you once admired 
show the way forward
in ways that you could not imagine .......   

A Former Ghost Writes

In former times I half-knew it, when I went to places
where conversation did not happen, no words described
what I, and others who were present, were there to find. 
My itch was observed, and reduced in the sharing of it.
Silently, for the duration of each frequent short visit. 

The place I went to quietly passed itself off
as a place of temporary mutuality
of a type I, otherwise, could not find. 

Even as I knew there were names for where I went
and what I did there, the blanket of silence fell heavy
on those I lived with who bade the words not be spoken.
Which was why I had the itch that made me seek such respite.
The life I led using the apporved of unhelpful language
could be survived but would not cure me of my itch,
where the lack of words made me seek temporary relief,
and left me seeking temporary relief seemingly forever.

After over a decade in this silence, and a few years
away from family, I started writing to myself - to ask
where the blanket of silence began, tracking it back
near and nearer to where it started, along with how
different absences of words meant different things.

From a place of unconscious isolation
I wrote about my then present situation
to find, for seemngly the first time,
a wider conscious sense of choice.

What I did then is now called Journaling
When I was writing I called it scribbling.
Over eighteen intense months the weight
of the blanket of silence slowly lifted from me, 
revealing the language of taboo underneath
most of  which began with a new reading of my family.

Was I any less of a ghost at the end? Sort of.
I was not the ghost my family wanted me to be.

The old itch pressed far less,
such that I felt nearly no need
for the silent/secretive respite
I had needed in the past.

But I did not feel complete as a person
in average ordinary, inclusive, conversations.
I was also slow to grasp that 'restored' as I was
there was no compensation for where the silence,
and the years of seeking relief from the itch, had left me.

The best I can say is that I have a renewed respect
for those whose sense of care for others extends
to mental health and personal development matters,
shared in taboo-free vernacular terms: a wide field
of care that I now see as being sorely neglected. 

Picture Set Of The Month - July - The Paintings Of Gerard Dillon

'The Table in The Blue Room' an early painting
by Irish painter Gerard Dillon (1916 - 1971).
The seated man is most likely a self portrait.   

'Tory Island' as painted in 1947 by Irish painter
Gerard Dillon (1916 - 1971) from a sketch made
on holiday with his friend, fellow artist Daniel O'Niell.

  

'The Fisherman's Cottage' as painted in 1951
by Irish painter Gerard Dillon (1916 - 1971)
when Conamarra was a thriving place. 

'The Little Green Fields' as painted in 1945
by Irish painter Gerard Dillon (q1916 - 1971)

At The International Conference

for the unecessary experts
for how the next world war
would be run, the argument
was a simple enough to engage with:
'How vital are we going to be in this war
for the future when the wealth of the few
being only for the few depends so much on us playing our part?'

The consensus was with the chair
when the proposition was put to a vote:
'We must be central to this new war,
our future wealth depends upon it,
And the longer the war can prolonged
the more we frame the future that follows after.

Gentlemen here's to our future uselessness.'.

Moon Of The Month - June - Strawberry Moon

The moon that is named after the fruit that is at
its most ripe, naturally, when the moon is full.
It is also the first full moon of the summer 
in the northern hemisphere, it will hang lower
in the sky than any other moon, and it will be
the second smallest full moon this year. 

 

This Blog Is Taking A Break - Enjoy The Intermission Entertainment

 

People Are Strange

In what they will excuse and what they will abhor
in their leaders-who to lead have to learn to ignore
their own weaknesses. Particularly when they know
how others will seek to draw attention to them.

In these technologically advanced times the skill set
for renewed military leaderhip is increasingly select,
transfering more rarely from one generation to the next
as the weaponry behind it becomes ever more complex,
whilst the morality of world leaders becomes opacity.

Between the jargon of the military hardware
and the morality of our war leaders,
it is right to be confused. That is when
to remember the history lesson that holds:
a people will forgive any effective military
leaders for their amorality in the civil life
of their country as long they seem to be
achieving the country's military aims.

Which is why modern wars don't end,
instead the modern media presents
the latest progress in ongoing wars
and failed negotiations for peace
as partial victories for self renewing propaganda.....