I am struck by the difference
between 'punching above your weight'
and 'pulling more than your own weight'.
Each has their own force of gravity.
In the former the projected aggression
blinds people to their own weaknesses
until they receive such a level of force
back at them that only their honesty
about how weak they now are
can renew their strength of character.
In the latter we give, and give more
than we feel that we have in store,
within us. But for having given
we are open to receive in return.
Gratitude, both spoken and undeclared,
are the means by which we are replenished.
'A hand to mouth existence'
is a phrase that denotes a life
where there is never a surplus
and the financial moorings
of the masses are never as secure
as everyone says they wish they were.
But with a lot of grit, self discipline,
and enough luck the poor will survive.
Alas in the alcohol cultures
that many of the poor get trapped in
'hand to mouth' would also mean
the fear of being fed with a fist,
raised in spontaneous anger,
as much as the hope of getting by.
Laws and lies will refine gov't policies,
with lawyers 'fighting' on opposing sides,
both whilst being highly paid, as refugees take refuge
in ever colder and more distant nation states
who believe themselves to be immune
from all natural, human, and physical law
in their refined and alienating hysteria.
It is hard to remember, but impossible to forget,
how much life with my family was under-written
by the verbal shorthand of jokes and catchphrases
that were repeated, l-o-n-g after
all the humour had been drained from them.
But worse than that verbal gracelessness
were the lies we traded every day,
often in the name of optimism
when compared with how we talked
there was little to be positive about.
Worst of all was how men lied about sex.
Our lies reached a level where it was
simultaneously exciting, forbidden
(outside of, and often inside, marriage)
and yet everywhere around us, all at once.
All men had to do was think of it,
and the possibility seemed close at hand.
When the local economy tanked
and men had less than the money
they had always expected to make
they made a currency out of cheap sex
outside of marriage, in public toilets.
Men gave themselves bonuses
in this new currency of sex procured by lies
when they were drunk whilst propositioning
other men, or youths, in public toilets
and those around them willingly obliged.
It was thought to be a profitable way
of filling in time after the pubs closed
and before having to go home to the wife.
Of all the things to get addicted to,
apart from safety itself,
boredom must be the safest.
The great advantage is in the choice;
there are as many ways
of losing interest in what you do
as there are activities to do
that can sustain themselves
whilst we are uninterested in them.
With such a wide field of play,
and active engagement the biggest temptation
the biggest light entertainers of the world
are always having to up their game
to passively capture your attention
to make sure that short of pornhub they are what bores us to death the best.
I don't understand politics today,
as they are going on in my country.
I don't understand the point of my vote.
The older the party
the less effective their leader,
and still they expect
to command the respect
from 'the average voter'.
The newer the party
the smaller and less stable it is,
and the simpler the message.
Many small parties
are just small step up
from being a pressure group,
or a collection of lobbyists.
The smaller the party
the more their function
is less to see their policies enacted, intact,
and more to frighten the larger parties
into adopting weak versions
of the smaller parties radicalism,
which in reality will change nothing.
Is their life within green-wash?
gay-wash? and grey-wash?
And other pretend-inclusive policies?
I doubt it, but it is the mission
of democracy to test ideas to extinction.
Whenever I hear the word 'wrongdoing'
it is always in the news and it always precedes
another phrase 'Country X denies all... '
and follows accounts of some heinous deed
that right minded people would have stopped,
given chance, before the idea was floated
before a bored and sated public.
I am put off by the how weak and lacking
of all conviction the word 'wrongdoing' is
and how easily it hides humbug.
I note that it is easier to use defensively
rather than as part of a confession
and as part of a change of direction
or process of absolution.
Governments and countries
should know what to be sorry for,
apart from having enemies
they have poor control over,
and accept the weakness
that they hide within themselves.
Comparing journalism to prostitution
was a false but effective analogy.
The jibe held up what was popular
was proven so by it being bought cheap.
That was not where the comparison ended.
Also both journalists and prostitutes
had to take on the powerful and secretive
to survive and both were very easily misused
by wealthy hypocrites, particularly press barons
who disguised where their real interests laid.
Families and marriages are artificial institutions
in which individuals throw themselves together
when neither knows how to allow each other
to be themselves, for being surrounded
by so many others in rather similar situations.
People are most themselves
when they are by themselves
for long periods of time
or when they offer each other
a shared and supportive silence.
Many men in same sex relationships
let each other stray for short distances.
They know that their eyes will wander
and find relief when they are accepted where the eyes go.
The heart and mind, and gonads, will surely follow,
but will look back and return
to where they started from
when they have had their fill.
But in matters of the errant heart
gay men are as prone as heterosexuals
to deceive themselves,
the better to deceive others,
that they can let each other wander
'as long as they are honest with each other'.
Gay men may seem 'more forgiving'
of each other than their hetero counterparts,
who for engaging with the nature of the opposite sex
misunderstand others as much as themselves.
But lies are lies,
and when well told they are very popular.
Gay couples are as prone to pride
as everyone else under the sun.
Nobody can be truly prepared
for the paradox of the lies that hide
inside when the license to roam
presents them with unforeseen choices.