I Was A Teenage Loss Leader

When I was meant to start work I didn't,
I was diverted to local college courses
where the second and third components
of what I was studying were held far away,
and my family would not let me leave.
The alternative was 'youth training schemes'
in which the money that went with the youths
mattered more to employers than youths learning.

More false starts followed. There was work,
where I, or my family  could live with me being
on the wobbly bottom rung of the employment ladder
which could throw those on it out of work at any time.

And then I was no longer a teenager. But my family
clung to me as I tried to move away from the teen
I used to be, whilst I uncertainly sought a maturity
my family had allowed for, and late/slow but sure
get a normal education. My exit started  in a place
I did not expect. I read a book that changed my life,
'Depression: The Way Out Of Your Prison' by Dorrothy Rowe,
which explained how for those who are depressed,
much of how they feel comes from the doom loops
in the behaviour and language of those around them.

She wrote 

'Not spoiling' a child means trying to break that child's spirit'

and

''After all I've done for you' has alienated more children
from their parents than any act of parent cruelty.' 

amongst many other quotes 

Slowly, I inclreeased the distance I could sustain from my family,
and slowly I felt better. But all that I will leave for another time
in this much recalled, and often repeated, saga.