Second Hand Happiness

was the joy that I settled with best
when I was free of care enough to be young.
It never gave me the surety of status
I saw in others which I might have liked,
but later it saved me from a lot of anxiety.

So what if it left me
at the bottom of the heap?
So what if I was the scrap
against which others saw
themselves to be 'worth more' ?

I was in an uneasy peace
when they were in open war.