Dogs On Electricity

A big buziz. Mawnlower cable. Teethy teethy chew chew.
Burizz it say to me shaky my head. Teefies go yak attack
attack. Mawnlower got wire.Bad wire.Colin* go yelp yelp.
Mummydaddy come out pully cablers Collie fall they fink
dead. But Clunks no dead. Clunky live and shaky shake.
No more mawnlowers. Bitey wires no no.

all from 'My Epileptic Lurcher'

*what Connor the dog calls himself, Connor being his human name.

The Canine Psychologist

Daddy got the angry. I see the daddy angry. It go about
him round and round yes yes like colours.Like the fing comes
out of the telly and the cooker. Like the fing goes round the
bad mawnlower wire. It goes bizz. Daddy got that yes yes
when he got the angry. I nuzzle the daddy till it goes away
Stop spinning. The daddy can break fings wif his angry.

borrowed without asking from 'My Epileptic Lurcher.

Dogs On Extra-terrestrial Life

Mummy finks urra peeps is crazy cause Mummy knows me
and the Blongo* can municate. But none of the Tlever peeps
finks that like science tests. So Mummy finks that id we cant
muinicate wif aminalies on our own planet what chance
have we got of municating with aliens from urra part of the
universe? None chance thats how mucy. Municate municate
no no.

*Connor the dogs name for his canine friend Bailey

taken from My Epileptic Lurcher, a cracker of a book.

If Dogs Learned From Television...

'Blongo watchy telly. See wolifs. Big Daddy wolif eaty deeers.
Urra wolifs stand in the snow sticky tongues in and out.
Tongues in and out.Ask for bitty Daddy wolifs food.
Now Blongo sticky tongue in and out all the time
asky Mummydaddy for the food. Lick lick lick feed me now.'

Quoted without asking from 'My epileptic lurcher which I heartily commend.