Putting The I Into Life

When I was just one depressed teenager among many
I chose a different solution to most of the youths I knew.

I went went to church and grabbed at the shirt tails
of many of the different local Christianities, as if my life
depended on my grip on them. My attention span was one
among many that wavered andbwandered before commitment.

The nearest I got to a clear and honest doubt
was when saying a line from one of the prayers
with which we all prepared ourselves before receiving Communion.
We said 'It is our duty and our joy....   ' and I wondered;
How do duty and joy combine to beat depression?

I never asked anyone in the church about this.
We did not have the old high pew system to divide us
but instead dived ourselves in our seats by never asking
ourselves difficult personal questions about mental health.

Now I am more happy, more angry, and more disappointed by turns.
And through them all there is the thread of duty and joy- to life itself.