Pick Any Two

Any more and it stretches the relationship, maybe to breaking point....

The Wages Of Hope Are Disappointment

The time when the word 'maladjusted'
most aptly described me in school
was when the class was taught maths.

I knew how to do sums.
I'd learnt my times tables by rote,
out loud in infants school. Aged 7.
I could add, subtract and multiply, fine
-as long as the numbers were abstract.
But the older I got the more often maths
was applied to something called 'real life'
-which was the very thing that divided me.....

I was tasked to do a sum based on wages
and deductions and my mind froze.
My bones knew about work, wages and taxes-
they all caused worry and created a stress
where we were glad when domestic violence
was merely occasional. Where it happened
it was a respite for some, whilst for others
it reinforced a cowering dependence with no exit.
Because of this my parents house was silent
on all matters pertainign to sex, poltics, religion,
or money. Nobody ever talked about wages. 

The pressure to live cheaply brought more pressure,
to live more even more cheaply. Under pressure
we censored all discussion about why we lived that way.
My father kept this rule by keeping the figures
on his pay slip to himself. Mother colluded in this
by accepting what he chose to give. His earnings
were one of our many of very well kept secrets.

I know now that I should have said to the teacher
'I can't do your sum because my family does not discuss money,
you will have to write to my Dad and ask him what the answer
to this sum is since it is about wages. Only he in the family knows about them.
The questions I am permitted to answer have to have no relation to real life.'.

Or I could have asked the teacher the following....
'Where in this sum is the man's drinking money?'
and 'If drink costs X per pint then how much cash
will he have to spend with his mates in the pub,
for them to remain suffuciently sober enough to get home
without falling over, but still drunk enough to threaten
and beat up their wives when they arrive?
How much alcohol will they all need to keep in their system
to collectively forget/deny their actions the following day?'.

But this was maths, not real life.
Questions about substances could only be asked about in Science.
And all talk of money was to meant to teach us grattitude at being kept.

Hoarders

fear both famine and feast,
because each
tests their ability
to withstand shared enjoyment.

The Desire For A Perfect Life

will also perfect the desire for death, and improve much inbetween.

The Price Of Vice

Since personal vice is unavoidable
my prescription for a better life
is to choose vices that remain fun,
particularly where the activity is unclean.

If dirt is inevitable in life
we have to find the vitality
in 'being dirty'.

More than that make sure the vice
of your choice won't make you secretive
or put you in a debt which accumulates.
This will divide you in your relationships.

Your vice will take up more time than you,
and those you share it with, thought it would.
As anyone on a computer knows, attention spans
and time will always stretch and decieve us
-particularly when finding absorption through fun.

Where you can, be aware of your own absurdity
when engaged in this activity-it will help you
choose better when to give your vice a rest.
It has to renew itself for when you enjoy it next.

And fnally where you have responcibilities
for, or over, dependents please be sure
that price of your vice does not put them in debt,
as-unaware of your secrecy towards yourself-
they try to be open, seeking their own vices and desires.

Just War?

The only war that could be ethical
would be one that stopped all wars-forever.
To be right it would have to leave intact all life
that remained, with no further effect on anything,
or on anyone. So far no such war has been fought.

Every war ever known
has recycled old enmities
by creating new reasons for war.

Close, Closer, Closed

Only the most closed of societies
find it vital to spy on freer societies,
because they presume that life abroad
is as secretive and ritualised
as their governments have made
life at home for the average citizen.