Friends Disunited

Covid 19 has killed relatively few people,
compared with the plagues of the past,
though we have yet to get the measure
of how many animals are going to suffer
from illness beyond their comprehension.
Nor will we know the effect of Covid 19
on the food chain for some time to come.

But just as war became a false excuse
to end so many strained relationships,
where the strains that were accepted in peace,
were sacrificed to meet the needs of the hour,
and give heft to the false patriotism required,
so Covid is also a chance to make changes
in relationships that were past their 'end-by' date.

I had one such relationship.

Before Covid we each struggled to connect,
and connected through our struggles with trust.
What we each actually thought was rarely discussed.
The attempted friendship started twenty years ago,
when we both had 'bad nerves', which we attempted
to calm in each other. With Covid  our nerves multiplied
driven by government 'propaganda, where we could not tell
what to trust and what mistrust, particularly in each other.

The reckoning came when he invited himself to see me,
did not wear a mask, and we exchanged strained silences,
as if we both missed something but it was not each other,
and neither of us knew what it was we were looking for.  

Hours after he left there was anger from him,
in it he fully played out the role of victim
for me not being and doing as he wanted.
I was past caring, I disbelieved him
beyond all ability to respond with hope.

In one hour I lost a friend I'd kept
as close as I could for twenty years,
but the letting go helped in the end;
When I stood up again I had stand
with better balance on my own two feet.