Testament Of Middle Age

For many years I believed I was an introvert,
but it was much more that I was 'in the closet'.
I had to be secretive about a sexuality
that I was taught to feel depressed about.
But the secrecy went further than that......

For the sake of appearances I was also required
to be 'in the closet' about my being depressed.
My family lived in denial about mental health.
They lived life with a determined determinism.

I still get depressed,
but about the world rather than myself.
In this new depression I can be the extrovert
when I want to be, when I see the opportunity.

I can still be horribly wrong about people.
And tactless too. In so many situations
I remember peoples faces, but not their names.
But somewhere on my way I lost the shame
my family needed to keep me as one of them.

I remain uneasy about anyone
being another person's property.

When Oliver Sacks

first wrote, his focus was not on
unusual mental health conditions,
but old fashioned male sexism,
hence the original title of his first book
-like it's content tweaked well before
it was finally published-
.