Testament Of Middle Age

For many years I was told I was an introvert,
but it was more that I was 'in the closet'.
I had to be secretive about a sexuality
that I was taught to feel depressed about.
But the secrecy went further than that......

For the sake of appearances I was also required
to be 'in the closet' about my being depressed.
My family lived in denial about mental health.
They lived life with a determined determinism.

I still get depressed, but less about myself now.
More about what I can't do for the world around me.
In this new depression I can be an extrovert
when I want to be, when I see the opportunity.

I can still be horribly wrong about people.
And tactless too. In so many situations
I remember faces, but not peoples' names.

But somewhere on my way I lost the shame
my family needed to keep me as one of them.

I remain uneasy about being other peoples property.