You Can Never Know Yourself Too Well

When I was young enough to drink but could not afford it
I had to stay in evenings in my parents house. But every night
Father spent several hours at the pub and walked home
and always arrived full of conflict. What I see now,
but misunderstood then, is how the nearer he got to the house
the more his sense of pleasure in the drink went flat,
which now explains the regularity of nightly belligerence.
He still wanted to be with his mates enjoying the dregs of the evening.

When I began to drink I was an adult and I drank at home,
and mostly to increase the sense of pleasure with food.
I adopted the motto 'never get drunk too far from your bed'.
As a truism it worked; the shorter the distance the better I knew it.
And what else was home for if not breeding respect through familiarity?

I now realize another advantage of my motto
-moods change when drink is served in any quantity.
If you travel less when the effects the drink wear off
it is much easier to adapt with, and own, that changing mood.

The self knowledge my father never had is now mine to own.